First Impressions are Rarely Correct

Scene: January 4th, 2011. Salt Lake International, 4am: I'm not a morning person, and I'm not an extrovert. So meeting the 80  people I would be living with for 4 months in a foreign country at 4 in the morning was not my ideal situation. I remember feeling so awkward. It was pretty obvious looking around the security line who belonged to our group. We would make momentary eye contact, smile awkwardly, and look away in search of something else to stare at. I remember a few specific thoughts about specific people. Girl with unicorn pillow pet: awesome. Future roommate with candy canes: weird. Boy with ukelele: lady charmer. I mean, right? Bringing a ukelele on the plane to Jerusalem is like pulling out your guitar at a college party and playing Wonderwall. By the time we had boarded the plane I had forgotten about the ladies man with the uke, and I only remembered my initial impression when I saw this picture at the end of the program:

Ashley Crist Photography

He was funny. He was good with people. Our professor's five-year-old daughter was literally in love with him. Everyone was in love with Spencer.

I guess if I was going to make a recommendation, I would recommend going to Jerusalem. It's pretty cool cause you get to know people differently than in any other situation. You do everything together. Meals, school, church, study, travel, play. You see what a person is like when they first wake up, how they handle an eight hour bus ride, how they cope when they're sick on said bus ride. You ride camels together, climb mountains together, and survive overnight train rides together.

And then when you come home, you have someone who understands how much you miss it. And you guys, I really missed it. But he was always there to eat pita and nutella or watch our slideshow with me. It turns out really getting to know each other was easier without 80 other people living in the same building, and without the "rule of three" each time you left the grounds.

There were rough times, like the time he went to Brazil for a 1.5 month internship, or the time I went on a Buddhist-style "finding myself" craze and didn't have any idea what I wanted out of life. But he came back to the States, and I came back to myself, and all was good.

We avoided dances, studied, and saw the Bieber movie together. Don't judge, entertainment can be hard to find in Provo. There were comedy shows, concerts, and movies with his sisters. Sunday dinners, ice cream runs, and breakfasts left on the doorstep. Hot chocolate, Friday night activities, and lots of sleeping through movies. There were flowers, chocolates, and gifted books. There were inside jokes and shared glances. Hopes, dreams, and goals. There were carnival goldfish, attempted celebrity stalkings, and canyon drives.

There were also lots of questions. Haven't you been dating more than a year? Shouldn't you have 12 kids by now? All in good time, my friends.

We also dedicated a good amount of time to finding our favorite restaurants. What can I say, we like to eat. Most often we end up at Gloria's, where they have the best pasta ever. This past weekend we found ourselves once again in the small corner restaurant ordering our regular meals, expect Spencer who ordered the world's most disgusting drink. Our waiter even warned us; he said it tasted like bitter grapefruit meets cough syrup. It was the perfect description. But Spencer downed the stuff like a champ and we were off to a movie in the park with some friends. Turns out there was no movie, there were no friends. Instead there were some roses, and a ring :)

Turns out the boy with the uke was a little more than the typical lady charmer. Turns out he's actually pretty cool. So I guess I'll marry him on, I don't know, December 15th?

:)

Still missing it

So my parents are moving to Morocco in September. I was talking about how excited I am to visit for Christmas and I mentioned again that we should go to Jerusalem for the holiday.

I was shot down. Again.

Then my dad mentioned that he may go some other time. 

I had to leave the room because the thought of my parents walking around the Old City without me was enough to bring me to tears. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you have the chance to go, go. If you come away loving it even a fraction as much as I do it will be worth everything. 

Promise.  

Educate yourselves

In one of my first Islam classes in Jerusalem my professor totally put me on the spot. He spent the entire first half of the lesson discussing the American ignorance when it comes to Israel and the people living there. Were it not completely true, it wouldn't been completely offensive.

Once his rant was done, he turned to me and said, "You. Let me prove my point. What did you know about the Israeli people before you came here?"

Wow. What am I even suppose to say? I racked my brain for the last bit of news I had heard about the Middle East, and quickly realized that my habit of not watching the news was catching up to me. In the end I completely proved his point as I spit out some crap comment about 9/11 and the news coverage it got. Ten years ago. Nice.

My knowledge could not have changed more in four months. 

Not only did we study Judaism and Islam in our classes, we lived with the people. I got firsthand experience with the conflict and I now have my own educated views on the topic. 

But for those of you who haven't spent four months living in the Middle East, have no fear, there are other ways of learning about the conflict. 

For example, you could read this article. 

Don't be intimidated by the thought of an article on the Middle East. I know it sounds daunting, but it's awesome. It was written by my lovely roommate who studied the topic diligently and even interviewed my Jerusalem family. 

The article is successful in describing the situation, and does an excellent job summarizing the things we learned while living in the Holy Land.

So go ahead, take a few minutes to educate yourselves. 

Another Jerusalem Post

I wrote this a little more than a week ago, so the events have already happened, but I still wanted to post it. I don't remember why I didn't earlier...


I have a friend who is on her way to Jerusalem as we speak. When I think about it my throat begins to close and my chest becomes heavy.

(Seriously Kristi, you had better love it. Like, I'm talking you go though that security checkpoint, see the Western Wall, and your heart literally falls out of your body because you love it so much.)

I have been missing Jerusalem a lot lately, not unlike Kaitlin, who worded it perfectly.

My dear roommate Taylor just left for home, and from there she will go to London for her semester abroad. As we were moving her out moments ago I was overcome with nostalgia.  

Was it really only a year ago when that was me? Could it have been twelve months ago that I sat on my bedroom floor, flipping through the pictures of my Jerusalem family, wondering if we would be friends? I stressed about my ultra-modest wardrobe and my packing limit. I made dozens of last-minute Target trips. I prayed that I would find answers to some lingering questions while away. I crossed my fingers that I would get along with the students I was going to live with. I sat listening to a friend who had been to Jerusalem telling me all the wonderful things I was about to partake in. I could not comprehend the life-changing journey on which I was about to impart. 

One year ago. 

I keep thinking about one of my first blog posts from Jerusalem. I mentioned reading the schedule and seeing that, on the last day, half of us left in the morning, the others at night. I imagined that it would be sad. 

...Sad? I am still brought to tears just thinking about it. That last bus ride out of the city tore my heart out and ripped it to pieces. Seriously. I cried, and cried, and cried. I cried until I fell asleep and when we got to the airport I cried some more. I cried because it was over, and because I knew I could never have it back. 

And even now, if I think about it too hard, if I picture it too clearly, I cry. I would give anything to be back with those people in those places. 

As it is I am left to eating make-shift pita and looking through old pictures.

I have come to accept the fact that I will never be able to explain Jerusalem to anyone. Try as I might, those experiences were meant for me, to change me into the person I am now, and the person I am still becoming.

But I cannot promise that I will ever stop reminiscing about it. I just want everyone to be able to partake in the wonderfullness that is Jerusalem, and I sometimes end up throwing memories in people's faces in the hopes that they will come to love it as I do (cough, Jennie, cough...).

I guess I'm just feeling all nostalgic. Especially with Christmas, it just brings back so many memories. I guess I'll just go look through my pictures one more time...

"It's ok to cry" -mother

6pm to 10am Mountain standard time.

3am to 7pm Israeli standard time.

Whichever way you look at it, that is how long I slept last night. When I woke up and saw my open closet at the foot of my bed I wondered what was hanging outside our window, obscuring my view of the dome. Insert empty and alone feeling here.

No fear, 280 dollars later and my itinerary was fixed. Delta flight 1105 from Atlanta, Georgia to Salt Lake International, riding along with the remaining of my J-ru family.

I did not call my mother, but instead decided to show up on her door step hours earlier than she was expecting. Thank you, Esplin family, for providing the transportation.

I was not aware of the fact that I was not ready for people. It was pathetic, really. My dear friend Sarah came over to decorate my room for my homecoming, not knowing I had arrived hours earlier than originally scheduled. I awkwardly hugged her, and then escaped to my shower where I knew I would not be bothered.

How anti-social can I get? Who actually hides in their shower? It was nothing short of pathetic. But, as I digested my thoughts, I realized that I was not ready to share Jerusalem, nor was I ready to let go. The events that took place over the past months hold noting short of a sacred place in my heart. I felt as though opening up to this new world would be a signal of my willingness to move on, to put Jerusalem in the past. But trying to answer questions and explain what had happened there would be an insult to the memory.

And so instead I cried some more, because that seems to be all that I have been doing. Crying for my friends, my views, my professors, my streets, my home. But as I sat there, hiding from the world that is now my reality, I gave myself a talking to. It went something like this:

Sadie, you are where you are for a reason. Were you meant to be in Jerusalem, you would be in Jerusalem. However, you are here, in your house, with your family and friends, and there is a reason for that. If you continue to yearn for the past and forget to live in the present, you're going to miss many vital opportunities. So get over it, and go figure out why you are here.

I will never forget Jerusalem, but I will also not allow it to keep me from progressing here.

"Do not let your comfort in the past outweigh your confidence in the future."

The following is meant for Jerusalem folk, just to let you know what happened after our departure from the center:

When we got on the Lucky Judd bus, sans Judd and half of our class, we were feeling a little empty inside.

In order to fill the void, Piers hopped right on the microphone and began telling us to look for Hebrew U at 12:00, and the sign we were about to hit on our left. Mallory took charge of the devotional, and the rest of the ride was spent in quest conversations. Upon arrival at the airport, Piers once again took the lead, telling everyone to bring headsets, scriptures, and their cheery dispositions. Somehow that made it ok to get off the bus. In Georgia we sang happy birthday to Mallory, and in Salt Lake we just cried a lot while assuring each other that it was not goodbye, rather "see you later".

Well, at least its America

Of all the stamps in my passport, this one brings the most sorrow. Farewell Jerusalem, I will never forget thee.

In other more pressing news, I showed up at the airport and discovered that I am actually heading to D.C. for two weeks instead of going straight home. Good to know.

Don't worry mother, I'll call you when I get to Georgia and am (hopefully) in the process of changing my flight.

And Rebecca, I may or may not be asking for a place to crash for a few weeks...

Nah, I'm positive it'll work out. Mostly because I am absolutely determined to be in Utah for Easter so I can celebrate with Jerusalem friends.

Good news: Katie bought me hot chocolate. Sorry we look hung over. 

Other good news: I'm bringing all 20 of these home with me.

See you tomorrow! Or, ya know, in two weeks

Memories

It was another late night.

The kind where your head begins to fall, only to jerk up moments later when your roommates asks a question.

Then, seconds later, you find you have already repeated the process, this time managing to start a dream before coming back to reality.

I was reunited with my pillow at approximately 2:30 am. Which I mean, considering I'm in college and all, shouldn't be an issue. However, only two nights ago the girls of 405 and I made it to bed at 3:30.

We also had full day field trips. They start at 7:30 and require a good amount of walking in a not so good amount of heat.

But, well, things must be done. Jerusalem magazines and end of year slide shows are much more important than a full REM cycle. What better way to start battling the jet lag? I figure at this point messing up my sleep schedule should not be a concern.

This slide show, however, should.

It has been one to many hours and we still have one to many to go.

I know, right? Really? It's just a slideshow.

But Katie and I are in charge of this slide show, so you had better believe that it will be the best end of year slideshow known to man.

Pretty sure, had I not had two faithful souls by my side, I would have cursed iMovie and just thrown my computer away. Or, had I followed through and finished, we would have been labeled as "Jerusalem, Winter 2001". As it is, the whole thing was kinda fun and borderline enjoyable. Even though I was told BJ may not make it through the day, he was the most helpful person ever. We owe him our lives. Possibly literally. And Katie, oh Katie. If only there were words to describe the thanks I owe to Katie.

Flattering, right? Refer to lack of sleep mentioned above. 

For the better, or for good? I'll take both

Ok, I promise I haven't gained THAT much weight in Jerusalem. They are baggy clothes. 

It's ok you guys, that is just the outfit I was wearing as I passed Elder Holland on the stairs. But it turns out he's pretty nice and understanding of the fact that nineteen-year-olds living in the middle east forget what a normal outfit looks like and he asked me how I was doing anyway. 

On that note, allow me to share with you a few of the things our beloved apostle shared with us during his stay at the JC.

Well, there are actually a lot of things he shared, but I am not in the mood to copy all of my notes just now, so we're gonna skip over those and jump right to the end.

He began the conclusion to his talk with the following phrase: "Welcome to your future." 

And that, my friends, is what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that the person I became here is the person I can continue to be. So much happened while in the Holy Land, and none of that needs be undone. My life right now, my thoughts and feelings and actions, these are my future.

Don't worry, I know your next question. "How have you changed, Sadie?"

Allow me to tell you. Or, well, sorta. I'm just kinda gonna type and we'll see where it leads us. But most of my thoughts lately have had at least something to do with the topic, so hopefully we'll land somewhere in the realm of our planned destination. 

We went to church in the Galilee branch not long ago. As I sat there overlooking....

Nope. Lost that train of thought. Too many distractions in the computer lab. Namely a few good senses of humor and the mention of harry potter.

So anyway, let me cut and paste. The following is a little something I wrote for a school project here. 

"I guess it could be called an identity complex. Why be like everyone else? I wanted to be independently me. But I never really knew who that was, and I was too busy trying to get people to believe I did to actually stop and figure it out. In an attempt to define myself as impulsive and independent, I did things like drop out and home school, or head off to live in the Middle East for four months. Turns out that the latter was the best thing I ever did for myself. Four best friends and a brand new testimony later, I have a better grip on who I am now than ever before. I am quirky, I am excitable, I am loved."

Honestly? Other than that I haven't been able to quite pin-point my change, but I'll keep you posted.

I have spent some time meditating over it and I have discovered the true magic of the Western Wall: its ability to bring people together, giving hope that one day all our prayers may be answered.

This past sacrament meeting was tear jerker. Let's not discuss again how this is a big deal for me, just trust me. It was our final meeting, and the opening hymn was "Each life that touches ours for good." 

If you are not familiar with the words, become so.

I realized that my roommates have been (one of) my greatest gifts here. I am going to miss their wonderfulness. They all gave me something that I needed so much.   

I have begun to realize that it is ok to be going home. Which I guess is good, cause that plane is leaving in a few days and I'll be on it whether I'm ready or not. But I've done what I came here to do, which is become a different person. Well, no, I came to go to Egypt, but now I see that there were bigger plans in my stars, and I like to think I've followed them quite nicely. These people have changed my life, and I know that I was here when I was for a reason. 

And, just in case you were wondering, this has been my most prized possession while in the Middle East, it contains my soul.

Fruity fresh

Apple toothpaste? Oh yeah. Did I brush my teeth a total of three times last night? Yup. This investment is the best thing I've ever done for my dental hygiene. 

It's the best thing I've ever done for myself

Seriously. I remember before I came people saying that Jerusalem was life changing.

I couldn't really understand how it could change your life.

The other night I was talking with a friend and he asked if I feel like I accomplished what I came here to do. I wasn't sure how to answer that, because honestly I came here to go to Egypt.

But now that it is over there are about 23 major things, just off the top of my head, that I'm positive I came here for. That list is growing daily.

if you or someone you know is planning on coming, tell them to do it. Don't even think twice, just do it. This place will change your life. 

Jerusalem is magic.

.....

In other news:

Over the course of the past few months, my roommates and I have been compiling a list of things we wish we would have known before we came. Most of them have to do with packing. I figured I'd share them with you, ya know, just in case you ever decide to come. 

I know this list seems random, and a lot of the things probably seem unnecessary, but they're the things we were missing:

-Clorox wipes

-Pocket size Kleenex

-Pictures and things for bulletin boards 

-A Blanket!!

-Nail polish remover. They have polish here, but the remover is horrible.

-More skirts/dresses

-Hair spray/real make up/perfume. It's four months, ya know? If there is a product you use at least once a week, bring it!

-Lotion. And more lotion.

-Common school supplies: tape, stapler, scissors, highlighter, colored pencils

-External hard drives. I forgot mine and it's been horrible. BRING THEM!

-A small notebook. You will be so happy you have it. Small meaning pocket size. Bring it on the field trips and take notes. That is one of my biggest regrets, not taking better notes on the field trips.

-Leggings. I know, I know, But sometimes it's cold on sabbath, really cold. And DO NOT forget a slip.

-Knee length basket ball shorts.

-Airborne. When someone is sick and you are all on a bus together, it's not long before everyone is sick.

Things I thought about not brining but I'm soooo glad I did:

-Slippers. Used daily.

-A small pillow

-Stain remover

-Thank you cards

-A dual voltage straightener. The night before we came I went out and bought a super cheap straightener. All of my roommates, and a good number of people here, have had their hair things completely die, but my little $20 dual voltage is still going strong. 

Things we brought but didn't really need them:

-Lots of meds. The Doctors here have everything, just bring basic pain killers.

-Alarm clock. 

-Planner   

DON'T FORGET CHECKS!!

Packing in general:

-Don't forget to put some of the basics in your carry-on. Clothes, tooth brush, etc. We had some people with lost luggage and they were living off their carry-on for about a week. 

-Bring a big suitcase, a carry-on size, your Jerusalem bag, and a purse. But just stick the Jerusalem bag in your suitcase. I would recommend a roller carry-on. My roommate brought a duffle bag and she got really tired of carrying it everywhere when everyone else was just rolling along.

-You can check one more bag on the way home. I'm planning on buying a suitcase in the old city, but if you can fit an extra duffle bag when packing to come then go for it. If you have extra room in your suitcase you are a miracle worker.
-Remember that you can buy stuff there. I took up so much of my 50 pounds on shampoo and batteries but I could have bought them there. It was such a waste of packing space. 

If you actually know anyone who is coming, send them my way! I would absolutely love to talk to them. There are so many things that I figured out about half-way through but I wish people would have told me at the start. 

Friends, family, please have patience with me as I come home. I have been living and breathing Israel for 4 months. I will try my best to have normal conversations, but I request a few free passes on my first couple of middle eastern jokes.

You guys are awesome :)

And here are some pictures of my home:

Add it to my tab

The shekel shack is the worst thing to have ever happened to me. I can have the joy of a lion bar right now but not have to cough up the 5 sheks until I feel like it.

On that note, coke and love nuts is my new favorite treat. 

Alright, enough with the small talk. We all know the only thing I blog anymore is pictures, so let's get to it.

I looked like this for a majority of the Jordan trip

These are my ladies. My lovely lovely ladies.

Ways the student-professor relationship is different here compared to anywhere else:
-They ask the class at large who has to go potty
-They know way more about all of their students personal lives than the students do
-They live with you
-They let you borrow they XL bright red rain coats

That's right, monastery at Petra. Knocking off those wonders of the world one at a time. 

Petra? Check.

I... have nothing to add.

We were at the JC have a thing for storming castles. At one of them Audryn and I found the creepiest darkest tunnel ever. We made it down with the assistance of a dear professor and some serious flashlightage. 

"Chadwick, am I doing this right?"
"Yes, you look like a dementor."

First in three months. I may or may not have saved the can.

"ma na ma na"
 "du du, du du du du"

I love her. I love her so much

You know it's a nice hotel when this is what they do to your blanket 

And now for some pre-Jordan pictures:

Fashion statement. Take it or leave it. 

Please tell me I am justified in wanting this.

It really, really threw me off.

I... really wasn't expecting that. 

"I really just wish there was a waffle bar."
"Um, hey Sade?"
Bliss.

Oh yeah, it's real.

My thoughts on coming home in 1.5 weeks are as follows:

You can interpret that however you want. Just don't make it happy. 

Ok yup that is all. I will see you in <2 weeks. Don't worry, I'm already planning my return outfit :)