Makeup: I'm doing it wrong

Truth: I am not what you might call fashionable. I have admitted to this fact before during the green leather jacket tabocle (update: I donated it), and I'm not here to pretend that anything has changed.

It's just that the fashion and beauty industries are terrifying, like your friend's cool older sister who you could never ask to change the radio station because of course they knew what the cool songs were. Looking at fashion blogs makes my palms sweat and my heart race increase, like waiting to be picked for a sports team and then realizing you will never be picked because you lack the basic understanding of what sports are. Kick the ball? Aim? What are the meanings of those words? Contour my nose? Wear a pan collar? How would one do such a thing? 

That being said, I do think I have a basic understanding of what is expected of me as a human who wears clothes and puts on makeup. Try to flatter your body, don't wear crocks. Try to match your foundation to your skin tone - your neck tone? - and don't get lipstick on your teeth. I get it. I can do that. But where I draw the line is, well, here:

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The Kylie Jenner lips. The falsies of lip injections. The extra hour in your beauty routine and the fear of your lips disappearing each time you drink something. I get that eye shadow and mascara can make my eyes look bigger and that under eye concealer can stop me from looking like a sleep-deprived monster. I'm willing to do those things. But let's not push our luck here, beauty industry. Let's stick to the basics and not complicate my morning chapstick routine. You feel me? More importantly, let's cut back on the things I have to do in order to feel OK walking into a Sephora, yeah?