40 Days of Dating: What marriage is really about

There is this project going on called 40 days of dating where these two friends decided to date for 40 days and they're documenting it online. Here is a quote from the guy:

"I was thinking about some of my buddies who are in a relationship that doesn’t completely stimulate them. So many men and women accept this standard, it’s no wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce. Are we so desperate for companionship that we’ll compromise our happiness? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? And why don’t we realize this until it’s too late?"

His reasoning made me so mad. I don't even know why. But like, the purpose of the universe and the people in it isn't to make you happy. If you are looking for a relationship that is going to make you 100% happy 100% of the time then you are the most selfish human being. Have you ever thought that maybe sometimes you'll have to sacrifice to make your partner happy? Did you ever think that maybe your selfish attitude is what leads to all of those divorces? The people who stay in marriages aren't the people who are happy 100% of the time. They don't wake up every morning on cloud nine. They don't see sunshine and butterflies all the time. They still have problems, they have relationship issues, they sacrifice, they put up with the other person's emotions. "Are we so desperate for companionship that we'll compromise our happiness? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve?" I hate the use of the word desperate. Are we so desperate to have a successful marriage that we stop thinking about ourselves for a moment? Yes, what a terrible thing to do. How terrible to have to learn to be selfless. How terrible to stop thinking about ourselves for a moment to try and figure out how to make someone that we love a little happier. And deserve? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? What makes you think that you deserve to be happy all the time? You don't deserve anything unless you've worked for it.

It's just such a contract marriage view. I'll give my 50% and the second I feel like I'm giving more into this relationship than I'm getting back, I'm out.

So so so so so so so so so so so so STUPID!!!!!!! What if you had that opinion about everything in life? Man, I am giving way more time and effort into this homework than it's worth. I guess I'll just quit. You know what? My job takes up so much of my time but it doesn't make me feel happy all of the time. I guess I'll quit. My religion is a full-time commitment but I don't always see the results. I guess I'll stop going to church. No. It doesn't work that way. You have to work for it. You might not always be seeing the results, but in the end the hard times are what make the successes so sweet.

You are never going to be truly happy if all you want is something that will simply make you happy. What if you went to your friends to vent after a long day and they were super supportive and helped you through it, but then when they came to you you thought "hmm, this conversation is kinda a downer. This friendship relationship isn't completely stimulating me right now. I want out." How could you ever expect to keep any relationships?

I don't know why people have this crazy thought that marriage is going to be the one friendship/relationship where you are happy 100% of the time. You're human, your partner is human, things are not always going to be perfect. The fact that this is enough to cause a 50% divorce rate sickens me. Have we really been raised so selfishly that we think we deserve everything?

Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is the best thing I have ever been a part of. But if there weren't challenges then our relationships would never grow. We as individuals would never grow. Nothing would ever change.

Sometimes it's about service. Sometimes it's about the other person. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that life isn't a fairytale and you might actually have to work to keep your relationship strong. Sometimes you might even feel less than completely stimulated.

...

P.s. you should read the comment Katie left on this post. That girl has a gift of saying all the things I wanted to say but couldn't quite figure out how to word.

p.s.s. I've been thinking about it since I originally posted this and I just want to clarify. I didn't mean to personally attack this man, and I'm so sorry if it came off that way. With my major this topic is something I'm (obviously) passionate about, and that particular comment set off thoughts about things we discuss in my major regularly. I'm really grateful for Katie's comment which truly said everything else I was thinking. I understand everyone is on different parts of this journey and everyone has different ways of understanding and seeing things. I just wish that more people could go into marriage knowing that it isn't the cure-all, that it was going to take work. Anyway. I hope that clears up my thoughts a little.