Another Jerusalem Post

I wrote this a little more than a week ago, so the events have already happened, but I still wanted to post it. I don't remember why I didn't earlier...


I have a friend who is on her way to Jerusalem as we speak. When I think about it my throat begins to close and my chest becomes heavy.

(Seriously Kristi, you had better love it. Like, I'm talking you go though that security checkpoint, see the Western Wall, and your heart literally falls out of your body because you love it so much.)

I have been missing Jerusalem a lot lately, not unlike Kaitlin, who worded it perfectly.

My dear roommate Taylor just left for home, and from there she will go to London for her semester abroad. As we were moving her out moments ago I was overcome with nostalgia.  

Was it really only a year ago when that was me? Could it have been twelve months ago that I sat on my bedroom floor, flipping through the pictures of my Jerusalem family, wondering if we would be friends? I stressed about my ultra-modest wardrobe and my packing limit. I made dozens of last-minute Target trips. I prayed that I would find answers to some lingering questions while away. I crossed my fingers that I would get along with the students I was going to live with. I sat listening to a friend who had been to Jerusalem telling me all the wonderful things I was about to partake in. I could not comprehend the life-changing journey on which I was about to impart. 

One year ago. 

I keep thinking about one of my first blog posts from Jerusalem. I mentioned reading the schedule and seeing that, on the last day, half of us left in the morning, the others at night. I imagined that it would be sad. 

...Sad? I am still brought to tears just thinking about it. That last bus ride out of the city tore my heart out and ripped it to pieces. Seriously. I cried, and cried, and cried. I cried until I fell asleep and when we got to the airport I cried some more. I cried because it was over, and because I knew I could never have it back. 

And even now, if I think about it too hard, if I picture it too clearly, I cry. I would give anything to be back with those people in those places. 

As it is I am left to eating make-shift pita and looking through old pictures.

I have come to accept the fact that I will never be able to explain Jerusalem to anyone. Try as I might, those experiences were meant for me, to change me into the person I am now, and the person I am still becoming.

But I cannot promise that I will ever stop reminiscing about it. I just want everyone to be able to partake in the wonderfullness that is Jerusalem, and I sometimes end up throwing memories in people's faces in the hopes that they will come to love it as I do (cough, Jennie, cough...).

I guess I'm just feeling all nostalgic. Especially with Christmas, it just brings back so many memories. I guess I'll just go look through my pictures one more time...