warning: this post turned out to be much longer and much less interesting than planned. Sometimes introspection is necessary, and if it comes out on the blog, then so be it.
Here we go:
I wont pretend to have known Teri Jackson better than I did.
I would not say that we were close, but I can definitely say she was a part of my life.
She entered my story in 8th grade ceramics class. She and Tori became my good friends, and both helped me form the beginnings of my teenage identity.
She taught me the meaning of "lol". She taught me the art of drinking from a not-fully-opened coke can.
Once we entered high school our paths separated, but she was always there. She was the beautiful artist, the carefree laugher, possibly the only person to have ever made it through high school without giving any thoughts to what others made of her.
She seemed to me to be carefree to the point of blissfulness.
And then high school ended, and each person found themselves taking their own path. Though, admittedly, as a Mormon from Utah County I came in contact with many high school acquaintances daily while roaming my college campus.
But it had been more than two years since I had seen Tori, the good friend who got me through my teenage years.
We got together Friday afternoon for lunch and a catch-up.
Once we had discussed all the details of our own lives, we began to fill each other in on the drama of those mutual friends who we had not seen in a while.
It wasn't long until the conversation turned to Teri. We wondered aloud how she was doing, what life had brought her, and we wished her well.
I got a text from Tori the next morning:
"Have you heard about Teri?"
May we all pray for the Jackson family.
...
I must admit that this got me to thinking.
I had a seminary teacher who once posed the question/statement: "God can end your test at any time. Don't you want to be ready when he does?
Never before had I realized how much my life isn't in my own hands. The length of my life, at least.
But as for the rest of it, am I doing all that I can with what I have been given? What will I wish I had done differently? Will I regret my shy, introverted tendencies? Will I wish I had feared a little less, experienced a little more?
An EFY counselor once changed my life a little bit. As I stood near the perimeter of the dance floor conversing with a friend, he came to ask why I wasn't dancing. I stood there, stammering, searching for words that sounded a little less lame than "I'm shy". But eventually my lameness won out and I confessed my introversion, to which he replied, simply, "Why?" He said, in more or less words, that sitting on the sideline will never get me anywhere, and that, if I branched out, I had the opportunity to help others do the same.
It was the first step in my journey of overcoming my inner shy.
Another life-defining moment happened just months ago as I sat, slightly motion sick, on a bus packed with my Jerusalem family as we made our way to Egypt. Our conversation had found its way from horror date stories to biggest regrets, and as the hours passed and our bodies tired, our philosophical sides began to emerge.
I do not remember the context, but I know that it was there that Greg uttered the words of a vow in which we partook:
"We pledge to not let fear govern our choices."
And so it began.
My life full of "Oh well" as opposed to "What if". Turning my 'someday' into 'today'. Taking the steps necessary to be able to look back over my life and never regret not taking an opportunity.
If my test ends tomorrow, I will look back with no regrets.
Here we go:
I wont pretend to have known Teri Jackson better than I did.
I would not say that we were close, but I can definitely say she was a part of my life.
She entered my story in 8th grade ceramics class. She and Tori became my good friends, and both helped me form the beginnings of my teenage identity.
She taught me the meaning of "lol". She taught me the art of drinking from a not-fully-opened coke can.
Once we entered high school our paths separated, but she was always there. She was the beautiful artist, the carefree laugher, possibly the only person to have ever made it through high school without giving any thoughts to what others made of her.
She seemed to me to be carefree to the point of blissfulness.
And then high school ended, and each person found themselves taking their own path. Though, admittedly, as a Mormon from Utah County I came in contact with many high school acquaintances daily while roaming my college campus.
But it had been more than two years since I had seen Tori, the good friend who got me through my teenage years.
We got together Friday afternoon for lunch and a catch-up.
Once we had discussed all the details of our own lives, we began to fill each other in on the drama of those mutual friends who we had not seen in a while.
It wasn't long until the conversation turned to Teri. We wondered aloud how she was doing, what life had brought her, and we wished her well.
I got a text from Tori the next morning:
"Have you heard about Teri?"
May we all pray for the Jackson family.
...
I must admit that this got me to thinking.
I had a seminary teacher who once posed the question/statement: "God can end your test at any time. Don't you want to be ready when he does?
Never before had I realized how much my life isn't in my own hands. The length of my life, at least.
But as for the rest of it, am I doing all that I can with what I have been given? What will I wish I had done differently? Will I regret my shy, introverted tendencies? Will I wish I had feared a little less, experienced a little more?
An EFY counselor once changed my life a little bit. As I stood near the perimeter of the dance floor conversing with a friend, he came to ask why I wasn't dancing. I stood there, stammering, searching for words that sounded a little less lame than "I'm shy". But eventually my lameness won out and I confessed my introversion, to which he replied, simply, "Why?" He said, in more or less words, that sitting on the sideline will never get me anywhere, and that, if I branched out, I had the opportunity to help others do the same.
It was the first step in my journey of overcoming my inner shy.
Another life-defining moment happened just months ago as I sat, slightly motion sick, on a bus packed with my Jerusalem family as we made our way to Egypt. Our conversation had found its way from horror date stories to biggest regrets, and as the hours passed and our bodies tired, our philosophical sides began to emerge.
I do not remember the context, but I know that it was there that Greg uttered the words of a vow in which we partook:
"We pledge to not let fear govern our choices."
And so it began.
My life full of "Oh well" as opposed to "What if". Turning my 'someday' into 'today'. Taking the steps necessary to be able to look back over my life and never regret not taking an opportunity.
If my test ends tomorrow, I will look back with no regrets.
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