Stuck like ... glue?

Ok, ok. It's time to do some serious country music tear-down.*

Before we get started, I invite you to partake in this:

click me please :)

Now I'm just going to start with the first obviously creepy thing: who is the strange bearded man in the backseat with a guitar? When did that become ok? But whatever, as long as he let's you sign and look at your pictures I guess it's cool.

And, um, thanks for throwing in the picture of your man sitting shirtless at the beach. How creepy did you feel taking that while he wasn't looking?

Oh wait, it gets better. You're sitting out side his house and he comes out wearing what? A bathrobe. Yup, pretty sure that is a bathrobe.

So, naturally, upon making eye contact the thing to do is to drive your neon green station wagon (very inconspicuous for sitting outside of a man's house) into his trash cans. My main concern: Why wait until eye contact was made? Why not wait until he was inside the house, therefore skipping the whole police escort thing?

Oh but don't worry, your random guitar accompanist can follow you into the police car. Life is good.

And... where did they pick up the people standing next to you in your mug shots? Just sayin'

Please tell me the painting in the warehouse where you kidnaped and brought this poor man to was not of him, shirtless, riding a unicorn? Oh well, keep pouring that whisky down his throat and that painting might just become a reality.

Oh wait, and what was that? That change that happened right around 2:27? I could've sworn this was a country song ... but now all of a sudden I'm getting the Jamaican vibe? Pick a genre, my friend, pick a genre.

My next concern brings us back to sunglass guitar man. Is he really letting her dance around in a turquoise spandex body suit? Whose idea was that?

And the next best thing to try and get his attention, incase the spandex didn't work, is to show him the wall of candid pictures of him that you have put into a collage.

Please tell me this ends with him getting a restraining order.

And... is it his birthday? Or are we just eating cake while wearing party hats because it was one more thing to put his face on?

These lyrics: there you go pulling me right back in... are you sure? Are you sure he is really doing something to intentionally bring you back in? I'm gonna say you're probably misreading the signs.

Did it really take Kim's phone call to make you realize he's just not that into you?

I'm just gonna say that this glue is more like one-sided tape. But that's just me.

Anyway, on a (possibly) just as disturbing yet far more entertaining note, please watch this:

:)


*Disclaimer: while the author of this post has some serious issues with this particular song, these are not her thoughts on the country music genre in general.