Here's your sign

So, here's the thing. I'm one of those people who will sit quietly as you call me the wrong name for the 7th time while praying that no one in the vicinity corrects you. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me the same story, I will still respond with the appropriate facial expressions, sound effects, and comments. If I hear you singing the wrong words to a song I will politely correct you before you parade around making your own version of a hit song. In short, I like to help people not look foolish or thick headed, no matter how much they may be acting like it.

Now just because I will not verbally point out your less-than-genius moments does not mean I won't be laughing at you internally. Laughing respectfully, of course. I, in all my glorified blondness, am fully aware that I am in no position to point out another's moment of weakness. But, well, sometimes you just can't help yourself.

I called the BYU bookstore the other day and had the following conversation:
Sadie: "Yeah, I bought a book the other day and the DVD it was suppose to come with wasn't included."
Employee: "Ok, did you buy it from us?"
What I wanted to say: "Nope, just wanted to let you know."
What I actually said: "Um, yeah..."

The other day someone called my work and asked this question:

Phone person: "Are you open on Sunday?"

Sadie: "No, we are not."

Phone person: "Oh so you're not open on Sunday."

What I wanted to say: "Wait lemme check, nope still not."

What I actually said: "That is correct, sir." 

I was opening at work on Tuesday (restaurant job) and when I brought down the map indicating what sections the servers were taking for the day this conversation followed:

New Manager: "So these are the morning servers?"
What I wanted to say: "Oh, you wanted me to make the morning map? Crap ... gimme a minute (retreat to desk)"
What I actually said: "The morning servers? On the morning map? Yup."

This happened that same day before the map had been made. A server came up to me, annoyed that he didn't know his section yet, and asked if I was just having everyone fight it out each time I sat a table. I responded in the affirmative, and I later found him informing the other servers of our new tactics. I came in at the end of the conversation and told each of them to find a sharp knife so after I seat someone they can go at it and whoever comes out alive will get to serve the table. About five minutes later I was posed this question:
Nameless server: "Wait, Sadie, were you guys serious about how you're seating table?"
What I wanted to say: "Oh yeah, didn't you hear man slaughter was legalized last week?"
What I actually said: "Um, no. I just finished the map."