Some weeks are better than others. Unfortunately, this week falls under the category of "others." I am not sure what exactly is wrong, but I have this odd empty feeling that nothing is seeming to fill. I feel like the college life that I always imagined is so far from my reality, so far that it is frustrating. My classes are going well and I have done well on all of my quizzes, but somehow things just don't seem quite right. Especially when I call home expecting my mother to answer but instead hear some middle aged man. It turned out to be my cousin, but it still threw me off and somehow the unexpectedness of it made me feel uncomfortable. I can't even count on hearing my mom's voice when I call home?
I have tried many things to get my mind off of this odd feeing, but all of my usual distractions are just not working. I drew a picture, I wrote a chapter for a book, I wrote in my journal, I went for a run, I read the scriptures, I re-arranged my room (as much as possible in the limited space), I bought a piece of chocolate mousse cake, I spent the night out with Sarah and Laura, I studied for hours, I read up on dorm room feng shui, I made crafty cards, I facebook stalked, I went to a dance, I talked to Rachel and Elizabeth, I played around on photoshop, I re-arranged my room again, I listened to Harry Potter, I took a nap, I'm blogging about it ... the only thing I can think of that I haven't done is drastically changed my hair, so if next time you see me my hair is a dark chocolate brown do not be surprised. The thought is very tempting, especially considering I am growing it out and cannot change the length.
Or maybe I could just be patient and wait to figure out what it is that is bothering me and then try to fix it ... Maybe that would be best, considering I'm a mature college student now.
I have tried many things to get my mind off of this odd feeing, but all of my usual distractions are just not working. I drew a picture, I wrote a chapter for a book, I wrote in my journal, I went for a run, I read the scriptures, I re-arranged my room (as much as possible in the limited space), I bought a piece of chocolate mousse cake, I spent the night out with Sarah and Laura, I studied for hours, I read up on dorm room feng shui, I made crafty cards, I facebook stalked, I went to a dance, I talked to Rachel and Elizabeth, I played around on photoshop, I re-arranged my room again, I listened to Harry Potter, I took a nap, I'm blogging about it ... the only thing I can think of that I haven't done is drastically changed my hair, so if next time you see me my hair is a dark chocolate brown do not be surprised. The thought is very tempting, especially considering I am growing it out and cannot change the length.
Or maybe I could just be patient and wait to figure out what it is that is bothering me and then try to fix it ... Maybe that would be best, considering I'm a mature college student now.
I am so sorry! I hate entering slumps like that. One thing I can tell you is that you just went through a maojr change, I mean, yeah, so Mom and Dad live like ten minuted away, but still you did move out. you are moving into a total new phase of life and as "fun" as it may be, it's change. And if you're like me, then you think change sucks! However small it may be. I have that same odd empty feeling EVERY SINGLE TIME there is a change in my life. When I went to college, when my freshman year was over, when I got married, when Austin and Caleb were born. I hate it! But at least I know now to expect it whenever there is change and I also know that in the end it leaves, sometimes it takes a while though, for me anyway. Not saying that's why you are feeling this way, just saying that's how it is for me.
ReplyDeleteNow that I totally made my own post on your comment sections, I hope you feel better soon.
Can I just say, I love reading your blog?! It's funny because I feel like I'm getting to know you so much better now than I ever did over 4 years of math tutoring. I guess it just goes to show that relationships can only go so deep when founded on algebra!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, all of your feelings were rather normal in my college experience. Not that I felt like that all the time, just that occasional brief times like this are part of the normal growing pains of being in College. One thing I noticed is that these times can be useful switch points. When you feel a bit lost in the middle are times when you really get to decide, in a deliberate manner, what you want to be and how you will be engaged. I usually felt a little intimidated by those moments because I felt the pressure to be mature do the best thing at all times. But in actuality I just wanted to relax and escape the pressure to be productive and wise and... adult. It's a never-ending dilemma, I'm sorry to say. Even as a mother of 3, my motivation vacillates between doing what I want and what I feel I should with my time. I guess conquering that is part of the test and journey of this life. Hang in there! You are an amazing person.
Sadie, I'm sorry. There is nothing so constant as change in this world. It's wonder change doesn't feel like the normal. I hear ice cream can help. If you need any, we always have a supply on Sunday night ready and waiting.
ReplyDeleteStacie
Love you Sadie.
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