FedEx needs to hire me.

Ok. Here is the thing. Back in my hostess days I had my fair share of people straight-up tell me I didn't know how to do my job and they could do it better, so I know how unrealistically annoying it is. As such, I have gone out of my way not to question the way people do their thing.

Color my hair before you cut it? Wouldn't it save dye if we did it the other way? Oh, you do this for a living? Right. Do your thing.

But you guys, I'm convinced that this time I'm right. Here's the thing: I'm kind of addicted to tracking the shipping on my packages, which may explain my recent upswing in online purchases? Not important. The point is that I've been sitting here hitting refresh on the hour, every hour, and this is what I was just met with:

Let's recap:
Arizona, Arizona, Tennessee.

I mean it's fine, it's not a big deal, except for that I live in Utah. So I guess let's look at a map:

Square: Where the package started.
Star: Where the package needs to go.
Circle: Where is package is.

You guys. I'm pretty sure the distance from square to star is 1/3 the length of square to circle, which means it would have been about 5.5 hours to destination instead of 16 hours to across the country.

Why do they do this to me? Don't they know how impatient I am?