Being an adult can be scary

The problem with mentally composing a blog post as you walk home is that you may very well forget everything you wanted to say by the time you are reunited with your computer. Reason #4792 why I'm excited to be living closer to campus next fall.

So it turns out I am about a year shy of getting my Bachelors degree. 

First of all, WHAT?? You guys, something about writing it out like that makes me feel so old. The use of the words "Bachelor" and "degree" sound much more impressive than the routine "I'll be graduating soon." Wasn't freshman year yesterday?? Didn't my mom just take me shopping for my dorm room? At this rate I'll be 30 any day now, driving a minivan and my five kids to soccer practice. 

Second, and more importantly, that means that I have spent 3 years studying my major: family sciences. I love it, I truly do. I am positive that my major has completely changed my future for the better. I realize that is a difficult claim to make, seeing as I neither know my future nor could I see what it would have been had I chosen a different major, but I know who I once was and who I am now. And folks, let me tell you, I am a different person. Still scatterbrained, still indecisive, but I have a completely different view of the world and the people in it. 

But, let's be real. I'm going to go ahead and make the extreme generalization that everyone has a plan for what they'd do differently were they to do it again.

It's a difficult game to play, this "how would I change my past" idea. It's like my mom says when people ask her about her decision to marry at 19. Would she do if differently were she to do it again? Her response is always the same: you can't play that game. 

Were she to marry later, she would not have married my dad. Rebecca would not have been born when she was, and the six of us who followed would have been thrown off as well. She would not have lived in Morocco, she would not have lived in Minnesota, she would not have lived her life. And it goes beyond my mom, dad, and siblings. Had we not come about when we did, it would have affected the lives of everyone we've ever touched. One year later and I would have had a completely different social group, different experiences, and, well, a different life. I literally would not have been me. Like I said, a difficult game to play.

So, that being said, we're going to go ahead and play it. Were I to go back and pick a different college path, I would do it completely differently. 

Yes, I love the social sciences and visual arts, but I love other things too. 

Like, for example, writing. I always hesitate to mention these things on my blog because, well, it's my blog, not my research paper. I don't spend 10 hours on each post, nor do I send them to friends for editing. But the fact of the matter is that I love to write, and I always have. Or at least, for longer than I've loved any other activity. 

And editing. I'm one of those creepy, weird, people who sits down with my menu and spends the first ten minutes of browsing checking for punctuation errors. It's like a high. 

And for a major? Oh my. So many options. Sociology would lead beautifully into social work or criminology. Advertising could be the perfect blend of writing and design. Graphic design could open up doors I don't even know exist yet. 

I guess what it really comes down to is that horrifying realization that, as a social sciences major, my job market is basically non-existent. I realize that grad school is always an option, but, like, is it? I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I'm not good at school. It is, in fact, really hard for me. I honestly have to have something drilled into my head at least 40 times on 50 different occasions for the ideas to start making sense. I'm the "I just read this paragraph sentence 80 times and even diagramed it but I still don't understand what it's saying" person. I am organized and I do my reading and I take notes on the readings but when it comes down to the test, I can barely remember how to write my own name. Seriously. 

Even as a junior I can feel myself hitting the senoritis road block. Another class? Another paper? Aren't I done already? I don't mean this to sound like I'm lazy or not willing to work for it, it's just that I honestly struggle in school.  Plain and simple.

So... grad school? I honestly don't know that I am cut out for it. 

As I have been considering these things over the past few months, I have decided to re-design my life. Again. Surprise.

I love art. I love my job, I love designing. But, art history? I'm not crazy about it. In fact, I don't like it. I don't care about the Rococo period or the different styles of art. Spending hours at an art museum makes me so bored I feel sick. I am not passionate about art. In the competition, there are people who are better cut out for art.

But writing? I love it. I love the process of taking a feeling and putting it into words. I love reading and studying literature and finding the hidden meanings. I love getting lost in a book and the longing for the characters after I've finished. I even love learning the rules of grammar. Again, I hesitate to say that, seeing as I make my fair share of mistakes, but I am learning.

And so I switched my minor to editing, and I am thrilled.

I still have no idea what I am going to do post-graduation, but somehow this little switch has made me feel much more in control.