Your love is my drug. Or like, laughing gas. Whatevs.

Dentistry.

Who okayed this form of cruel and unusual torture?

"Allow me coat your teeth with mint-flavored sand and then attack your gums with a pointy, metal object. You will bleed."

Remember the olden days of foam fluoride? We all hated it, it's ok to admit it. Little did I know I would one day look back on those days with longing. Nowadays they have this plastic substance that they literally paint onto your teeth. It then continues to coat your teeth for the rest of the day, giving you a constant flood of cherry taste. 

I might be ok with all of this if I were able to walk away with some sort of acknowledgement that I have been brushing and flossing. But I have come to accept that that will never happen for me. My dentist straight up told me that I just have bad teeth, nothing to be done.

As if going to the dentist wasn't torture enough, today the assistant told me I looked like Ke$ha.

Thanks. Can't wait to see you again in sixth months.